Expert explains benefits of being ‘self-partnered’ after Emma Watson’s comments on relationship status-by T

Emma Watson once described herself as ‘self-partnered’ instead of single, and the term rather took off in popularity.

She’d been speaking to Vogue in 2019 when she was asked about her relationship status, and the Little Women star talked about the anxiety of turning 30.

“If you have not built a home, if you do not have a husband, if you do not have a baby, and you are turning 30, and you’re not in some incredibly secure, stable place in your career, or you’re still figuring things out,” she said.

“There’s just this incredible amount of anxiety.”

Watson said she used not to be convinced by people who were single and said they were happy until she had it happen to her, with the realisation that she was single and content to be so leading her to say she was ‘self-partnered’.

Four years later, she told Vogue she’d ‘figured out some things about how to care for myself better’ and has been proud of that.

Emma Watson said she was ‘self-partnered’ rather than single, and the term caught on. (Arnold Jerocki/GC Images)

Writing as someone who has just recently turned 30 and also does not have a home, spouse or baby, there is a certain measure of existential dread that occasionally hits you.

You wonder whether you’re ever actually going to meet the one and have the life with the milestones you always assumed you’d hit, even if you didn’t put much thought into it during your 20s.

Once you hit 30, it can feel like the clock is tick-tick-ticking. A lot has happened since I was 20, but now I’m 30, which is basically 40, that’s halfway to dead.

Comparison is sometimes described as the thief of joy, and it’s also a time in your life where you see plenty around you starting to hit these major milestones.

Friends are getting married, having kids and suddenly find the topic of getting the stairs re-carpeted fascinating.

While many of us singletons are aiming to get back into a relationship, an expert has explained that there are some real benefits to being ‘self-partnered’.

“Looking good, buddy.” “Aww thanks, I needed that this morning.” (Getty Stock Photo)

Joshua Ludlam, who calls himself an ‘exponential coach’, said that he’d been self-partnered for a time during which he ‘had to learn to drop shame and love myself so I could let someone else love me’.

He said: “I had to practice being seen in my flaws and insecurities so I could stay in hard conversations.”

He added that taking the time for himself let him really understand what he wanted from a relationship, so he could be more confident about ending the ones which were ‘close but not quite what I wanted’.

That’s his view on the benefits, by being your own partner you work on yourself and figure out what you want, so you can also recognise when something isn’t quite what you wanted.

To be truly honest with you, dear reader, there are some benefits to this ‘self-partnered’ business.

There’s never any disagreements over what to have for tea, or indeed for what to stick on the telly that night.

If I decide I suddenly want to go and do something, it turns out they were thinking the exact same thing. And if they get annoyed with me for spending an hour and a half after I clock off my shift sitting on the sofa doom-scrolling on my phone, then I’m right there with them.

Find what works for you.